don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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