So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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