Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
