I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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