He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
