2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize