how can u be prego again
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
this is an emotional support booty call
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
