Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The Olympian is in my bed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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