I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
