You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
