Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want her autograph on my taint
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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