why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Of course I have a pirate flag
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
