I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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