At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
