He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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