Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
