I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
