he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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