we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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