Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
