glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
