I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
