it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
