Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she smelled like a LAN party
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
