Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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