How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
