now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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