allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I need to stop coming to work sober
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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