so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
