Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
