You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize