Me too!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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