If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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