Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize