i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize