So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize