i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
