trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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