Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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