You just made me feel so damn special
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
