well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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