I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This is my gift to your gina
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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