I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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