she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
