i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
