i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
