That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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