my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
