i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
