Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
