The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
