Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
