You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
