I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
