I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
