If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
