I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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