The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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