I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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