you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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