so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
