How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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