When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
