Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
