she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
