was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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