Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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