It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
no you cant smoke seaweed
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
